Part Four: Restless Night and the Big Bad Fucking Book Strikes Back with a Vengeance

“Why the fuck do I have to sleep on the floor? I mean if this is supposed to be my little therapy retreat shouldn’t I get a bed?” I ask them in a pissy tone.
“Because there are only two bed rooms on this floor and someone busted out the stairs to the second floor.” Jack answers “Me and Jessica are sharing one of the rooms and” “And me and Dave got the other one, It’s what we get for coming up here” Jacob interrupts before Jack elbows him in the gut. “Anyway I seriously doubt you want to sleep on that couch” Jack adds as he points over to it. Even in this dim light I can still see the crusted semen and beer stains. “You might be right about that” I say begrudgingly. I stand in the corner bitching to myself as Jack unrolls a sleeping in the center of the living room.
Jack finishes setting up my cozy little sleeping arrangements and places an uncovered pillow on top.
“Here you go” he says with an artificial grin plastered on his face. He looks at his phone and says ” well it’s getting late guess it’s time to call it a night”. Then he gives Jessica a look that says lets ditch the kids and go have some fun.
They toss me a fresh pack of smokes, a lighter and a pocket flashlight before they all head off to bed. Fucking great I’m already on edge from not having taken any pills for at least 8 hours. The last fucking thing I need is to sleep on the goddamn floor.

An hour or so later I’m on the floor with only the very loud sounds of Jack and Jessica fucking to keep me company. The repetitive moaning and thanking of god fills me with a deep loneliness that only severs to remind me of what I thought I’d have with Whatshername. And now I’m stuck here cold turkeying it off of heavy duty narcotic and I can’t even drowned them out with music from my phone, or even better jerk off to internet porn. Because admittedly the mental image of Jessica naked and glistening with sweat tightly clutching the sheets as she’s being deeply penetrated has got me rather……. Well let’s not beat around the bush, I’m hard as fucking steel right now. But that prick had to lock my phone in his car to “charge” overnight. I know he only did it to prevent me from getting a ride out of here. Hmm I wonder if he’d mind me getting a big rock and retrieving it from his dashboard. I lay back trying to cover my ears with my pillow.
Try to think about something else.
Soon my mind decided to pull a dick move and starts rushing all the good memories of Whatshername. Every time she made me happy, lifted me up, made me laugh, and gave me hope. It’s all playing in my mind like a torturous old home movie. Played on a loop over and over again on the walls of my mind. Only stopping every once in a while to remind me that she’ll never be mine. That in all likelihood she was never really mine. And I can do is chain smoke. I’ve finished almost a half a pack in the hour since I first laid down. There’s a line of snuffed butts and ashes right next to me, I seriously doubt any ones gonna mind the damage.
The conclusion: Right now I am a fucking moron for everything I thought would happen, every dream I had about her.
And right now I am possible the world biggest loser.
I am very not ok tonight, I start to cry.
I curl myself into a fetal position and start wondering to myself. Does tonight seem like a good night for a third attempt? I failed the last two times, but I’m significantly lower than before. I’ve fallowed though with none of the promises I made to myself when things ended with her. Still at the same shitty job, still a bitter antisocial fuck. I still live at home but now my life has 70% less friends and maybe 65% more drugs. I think I really could succeed this time. And as I start surveying the room for inspiration my eyes are suddenly drawn to that old book from before. The book seems to call to me, I can feel it tugging and pulling at my very soul.
I get out of my little nigger rigged accommodations. I walk towards the shelf I left it on and grab it. Flipping it open and I can hear its spine crack. It feels like something has taken ahold of me as I start to read aloud from its old pages: “ Verata, demento, Excreeta –diminta, Klaatu Barada Nik……”
The room suddenly begins to spin around me, the walls pulsating in bizarre rhythm. My reality starts to fade away as a flesh textured skin begins to slowly cover the walls. I feel like I’m someplace different now. The sky though the window is a strange dark purple color. The house around me has almost completely changed. It looks like the walls are papered with chucks of decaying flesh all stitched together Frankenstein style. The floor feels weird as well like a mix between a really big sponge and an inflatable bounce house. The smell of putrefied flesh and hot buttered popcorn fills my nostrils. The sound of distorted circus music and heavy industrial machinery is vibrating me to my very core. This place is just wrong. I feel dirty just being here. It’s kinda like the feeling you get when you’re in the Porno section at the video store, only worse. It takes me a second to realize I’m still holding the book and somehow still reading aloud from it. I snap it closed and just as quickly I’m back in Buttfuck’s former favorite teen party spot.
Christ withdrawal is weirder then I’d thought it’d be.
Feeling shaken I toss the book aside and lay back down on the floor. But I’m all nerves and there’s no way I’m getting any sleep tonight.
I dig in my pocket to try in vain to fide something to entertain myself with when, Jackpot!!! I find a lone Zanaflex tablet (Zanaflex is a tasty little muscle relaxer, that I like to keep on me). It must’ve fallen out of my bottle when they were digging for it. I really need to get a new bottle. I quickly jam the little white bastard in my mouth and bite down with a crunch, for me tablets like this work better (and quicker) when you chew them a bit before swallowing.
I rest my head on the pillow and within fifteen minutes I can feel it turn my body to mush and I say my little prayer just like a good church raised boy:


“Now I lay me down to sleep I pray the lord my soul to keep. Let me die before I wake, so this shit I don’t have to take. Failing that may my “friends” be just as sad as I am. Let Jack’s swimmer take hold and knock up Jessica. Completely ruining his plans for the future he’s dreamed. Let Dave and Jacob finally fuck and get it over with, and Let whatshername meet the man of her dreams, who looks just like that actor that gets her ever so wet. And let her walk in on him balls deep in some other girl. Also thank you lord for all the puppy, kitten and rainbows and all that other stuff,
Amen.



Five minutes after that I’m fast asleep.
.